PANIC.

Originally written 6-16-12

Panic set in with me yesterday.   Tessie is 7 weeks old and I already feel like my baby is getting so big.  Where has the time gone??   She is too big for the cradle so there it sits in our room..  empty.    I got all nostalgic last night remembering putting my  little newborn all swaddled up in there to sleep close to us.   

Now, its 90 degrees in the house so I put her to bed barely dressed at all and she sleeps all spread out in the crib.   She isn’t far  (16 steps, I counted) but she seems  SO far away.   And since she is a little farther away her cries are muffled.  I don't like that she has to cry for me.  I liked hearing her wake up.   Steve actually got to her first this morning and he was downstairs!!

Back to the panic.   Have I enjoyed her enough?   Am I interacting with her enough?    Did I snuggle with my peanut enough?  Do we have enough pictures?    Are we teaching her to sleep?   Do we have enough momentos from her teeny tiny newborn stage?    Now that I have a 7 week old I practically have a 2 month old and I don’t even think that counts as newborn anymore.    How did that haze of feed the baby, burp the baby, change the baby, feed the baby some more, play with the baby, put the baby to bed , try and get some work done, repeat..   actually extend for 7 whole weeks?      I am told this will not go away.   I am told that this panic is with me for life and will only intensify as she goes out into the world.      Crap.